Wintergirls (via brengmedehorizon)
Depression is nothing but raw emptiness. The feeling that life isn’t worth living. You just want to be alone and sleep because that’s the only escape from it all.
But adrenaline kicks in when you’re starving yourself. I have superhuman powers of sight and smell. Besides feeling hungry and tired all of the time, I usually feel like I can take on anything- except life, that is. Depression is home for me. It’s where I’m comfortable. Intoxicated with madness, I’m in love with my sadness.
I feel nothing and have spent years trying to fill the void of you. In that time, I have gained so much weight and my binge eating disorder has become all that I am, and I am disgusted with myself. But I’ll never feel as full as I once did. Maybe once I can accept that, I’ll be able to have self-control. The only thing I want to feel now is my body starving. My body will fall apart just like my mind already has. This is the polite form of suicide. I will become so skinny that I disappear.
Depression and anorexia are monsters that take over your mind, and soon after, your entire life. All I want to do is lie in bed and cry. But I get up for work every day, study, read, and watch enough movies that my mom doesn’t get angry at me for “sleeping too much.” I will wake up the next morning starving and tired, and it’s back on the hamster wheel all over again.